You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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