It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
