if i can run in heels then i can drive
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He shit in the fireplace
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
