I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
