she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
