So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
