u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
