Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize