He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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