i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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