the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Blood and glitter go together right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
