genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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