I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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