the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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