So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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