how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
