This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This gyro tastes like lonliness
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
