I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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