Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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