Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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