Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She just used a chaser for red wine.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
