Dual....:-)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
