how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
