So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
