I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
