Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
