i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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