If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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