my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
