I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
