So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
