i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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