Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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