Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
