tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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