There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
