Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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