32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
