Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
