just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
