I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
