Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
