Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
