But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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