That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
