My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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