Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
