You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
