If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
