Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
