also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
