Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
