I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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