Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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