So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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