i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
