I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
