I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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