Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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