You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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