I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
