well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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