The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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