There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
